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Thursday, February 9, 2012

"Compromise Does a Relationship Good."

Compromise . . .

What a dirty little word. That one word can cause fights, utter disdain, and overall relationship melt down. It's not the word that's the problem, it's the action that accompanies it. Sometimes I feel like compromise will be the death of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a selfish person. In fact, I try to be flexible with my husband as often as I can but it can be really hard.

Prior to getting hitched I was a one woman show. I ate what I wanted, studied where I wanted, moved as often as the wind enticed me. I was a woman of change, culture, excitement but then came the compromise.

All of a sudden, I couldn't just make a decision and move forward full throttle. I had to suggest, wait, talk about it, weigh the options, and then wait some more. Has this happened to you? While I may seem a little hostile toward the topic of compromise, I must give credit where credits due; the art of compromise can go a long way in a relationship so if you're not a big fan of it, here are some reasons why it's important:

1. It makes your partner feel appreciated. 
(Every man wants to feel like their opinion counts in a relationship so give him a voice. You don't always have to agree but just by hearing his side of things may teach you a little about yourself and/or situation).

2. It will make him feel like you're willing to give. 
(The killer to most relationships is the taker. All this person does is take take and it's all about them. Be willing to bend a little and give. Every so often, let him pick the restaurant you go to. Even if it means eating a certain type of cuisine you hate. It will make him feel like you value him and are willing to try new things. Even if you order a burger at a Mexican restaurant. : ))


3. It creates an opportunity for good communication.

On the flip-side, while compromising in relationships can be healthy, not all types of compromise is good. You're probably like what?! But you just said. I know, I know.

Let me explain . . .

Any compromise that has a negative effect on your emotions and overall quality of life is not good. Here's what I mean.
I know a woman very close to my heart who spent her entire marriage compromising. Thirty years to be exact. What she thought was helping her family turned out only to make her children angry, frustrated, and an wanting to stay far away from her. Compromise lead to nights without electricity, months without water in her home, and foreclosure after foreclosure. She wanted to be a flexible woman, but her flexibility was having a negative effect on her health, relationship with her children, and her overall emotions. The last straw came when she was asked to move out of her home by her husband and into a warehouse with her young teenage daughter. You see, the husband owned a mechanic shop and had in his mind that it would be better for his family to live in the shop where he worked so he didn't have to pay for a house. After so many compromises, it was enough. It was no longer just hindering her emotions, and relationships, it would effect the safety of herself and her daughter. You see, compromise should never make you feel like you're going to lose everything but in this case, she could.

This situation may not apply to you but what about:

1. Sleeping with a man you know isn't good for you simply so he'll stay?

2. Having to choose your relationship over your children, friends, or extended family.

3. Giving up your dreams permanently so he can pursue his. (A good man will let you have your dreams and your relationship).

I hope you find yourself on the good side of compromise and not the latter. My hope for you is that you'll take this article to heart and really make the change you want to see in your relationship. We'd love to hear from you; good or bad.

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