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Friday, March 9, 2012

Keep healthy space in your relationship.

As I write this, I'm feeling a little hypocritical. It's not that I don't believe what I'm writing because I absolutely do.

It's just that my husband has had a consecutive five days off this week (which absolutely never happens) and I've hung out with him almost every waking hour of that time. 

We've spent our days doing multiple DIY projects for our home and for a birthday gift, hunting consignment stores, painting our little one's nursery, and just randomly driving around town finding new places to eat. (Eating is what we do best).

I think it's safe to say we haven't kept a good amount of space in our relationship this week, hence why I haven't gotten a lot of work done. 

Don't get me wrong. Spending time with your significant other is beyond valuable. In fact, they are the one person who you should desire to be with over anyone else. I love hanging out with my husband and I know he shares the same sentiment, but we definitely both love our alone time; me so I can write and create. 

And him so he can bang on things without me giving him dirty looks, hang out with his guys, and watch "House" to his heart's content.

While it's great to want to be together all the time, we know that the other needs their space in order to grow, recuperate, and just be away.

It's all too easy to get caught up in the hoopla of being in a relationship and taking on the title of girlfriend, wife, friend, confidant, mom, etc., but when are YOU just you?

I mean who wants to be known as "So and so's girlfriend or wife?"

Not I.

I'll stick with Vonae any day.

You see space in your relationship can be valuable for more than just being away from your loved one, it can help you keep a grip on who you are individually apart from your significant other. It helps foster the relationships outside of your relationship that give you a positive outlet and a backing of support that a man can't always provide. 

Not every man wants to go on shopping sprees with you and that's okay. Space allows time for you to be you. To grow, flourish, and then come back to your relationship refreshed and willing to give your all. 

So what are some ways you can incorporate healthy space?

1. Take a fun class you've been thinking about signing up for. 
(Sewing, Zumba, ballet, you get the picture).

2. Get a hobby that's uniquely your own.
(Photography, running, DIY projects)
3. Discuss a way of infusing friend time into your weekly schedule. 
(My husband and I have decided that 3 days a week would be set apart for us to spend with our friends).

4. Get a novel and go outside to read. 
(Not only will you get to experience the beauty of nature, but your partner will know when it's reading time and to respect that).

5. Realize that it's okay not to spend every waking hour together.

6. Set aside time for yourself each week that's just for you. 
(Maybe on a Sunday afternoon, you take a trip to the beach and soak up the sun. I know this is not possible for everyone . . . but hey I live in Florida).

I hope you will seriously consider incorporating healthy space in your relationship. Spending every waking hour together is fun at first, but in the long run, there's nothing fun about never having time to yourself. 

What are some ways you incorporate space into your relationship? 
Sound off below.


  1. You're right sometimes people loose sight of the fact that space is simply necessary! I love my guy, but we know that in order for our relationship to always be great we have to allow each other space! Great post.

    XO Kelley

  2. You are definitely correct. Couple should have some time alone for themselves. I think it makes the relationship a lot healthier!


  3. The Hubs and I laugh at each other and say, "Can you believe it's been 18 years?" And I couldn't agree more for some alone time. We all need a little space in the world apart from our better doesn't stop there...I need a break from kids...friends, co-workers and so forth, just me, myself and I! I think this reminds me of a little tune from way back when...Just Me Myself and I! Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh the high school days for me...Thanks for sharing and what a CUTE pic!

  4. just stumbled upon your lovely blog, so wonderful!
    i look forward to reading more :)


  5. I absolutely agree, at first its fun to always be around your man, but especially after 6 years of being married, like me, you definetly need a balance. Great post!


  6. this post is so adorable, and i agree. You have to give eachother room to still have individual identities or you risk feeling suffocated in the future


  7. You write so well! Agree with giving a healthy space to your partner! I just found out your blog and love it! I am now following you and would appreciate if you could follow me back! Hope you are having a wonderful day!
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  8. Such sweet sentiments!!! I love your article. That's what a healthy relationship is suppose to look like. If you or your person don't know how or when to do this be careful because you can end up on a dangerous slippery slope and you won't even know how you got there. So be confident and have healthy space between the two of you, and come back and share those moments together,and you will grow together: both as individuals, as well as a couple your relationship will flourish. However, On the flip side, you will find your relationship becoming stagnant and no growth, and wallowing in codependency wondering how did I allow this to happen. So remember, Have fun and be the best you for you and for your relationship. As Always from your #1 fan.