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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Marriage Series: Communication


Welcome to the final installment of the "How to make your marriage work," series.

I know there's a ton more to cover about marriage, but I thought I'd wrap things up with the biggest relationship killer of all . . .

Communication.



This is no doubt the hardest thing to do as a couple. Not only can it be a scary thing, but men and women tend to hear and communicate differently. 

Let's start with the woman in the relationship. She tends to talk the most about anything and everything. She'll make comments about how she likes this and that, or other things that may not be of utmost importance. When she talks about her day, a situation with a girlfriend, a fight with her mom, what she's looking for is support and simply someone to listen. (No boyfriend or husband, she usually isn't looking for you to solve her problem). 

Moreover, sometimes she expects you to do and know things for her simply because you're "supposed" to know them. (I'm totally guilty of this. I pay attention to details so I expect my husband to do the same. Not so). Not to mention, when she tells you something important or asks you to do something, she really is depending on you to get it done. 

In short, women use communication as a way to express themselves and to get things done.

Now let's jump to the male in the relationship. He tends to talk less than the female because he's naturally equipped with a "nothing box." For the most part, he doesn't have a million ideas and thoughts running rampant in his head so he takes quiet time as a time to simply just "be." (Must be nice).   

When his girlfriend or wife comes to him to talk, he listens as well as he can, but because he's a natural problem solver, he's coming up with ways to solve the problem instead of just listening. He wants to help and this is how he does it. No he's not trying to be bossy or think he knows it all.

When it comes to "knowing" things and noticing what you may want, he's not a mind reader. Unless he's gotten in trouble one too many times for failing at this task, he would like you to tell him what it is you want. Would you like to go out for dinner instead of staying in? Tell him that. Does the way he does such and such bother you? Tell him so. Do you just want him to listen and not offer up any advice? Tell him so?

Get the point?

Men use communication to solve problems and express ideas. For the most part, they aren't going to talk just for the sake of talking and there's nothing wrong with that.

When it comes to communication in your relationship remember the following things and you'll be communicating better in no time.

1. Remember that males and females hear things differently.

2. If you want something, tell them. They can't read your mind.

3. If you're not good at expressing your thoughts in person, write him or her a letter. That way you can get everything out without choking on your words.
(No text messages).

4. Remember to watch your tone of voice. A simple statement can be misconstrued if the tone behind it is less than pleasant.

5. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

6. If a conversation is getting heated, ask for a time out. You can always come back to the subject later.
 Nothing gets accomplished through anger and yelling.

7. Don't expect things that are unattainable.

I'm sure I missed something on the list so feel free to add away.

Since our marriage series has come to an end, 
what would you like to see next in the Love & Relationship section?

Let me know in the comments below.

Happy Friday!